Polling data is often used to claim that atheists and the non-religious are the fastest growing ‘religious’ group. However, some observations made over the last few years have led me to conclude that’s clearly not the case.
I can reveal that the fastest growing faith-based ideology is in fact the cult of ‘Nothing To Do With Islam’ and its adherents; ‘The Notslammers’. This denomination appears to be an off-shoot of The Spineless Church of Apologia.
After a brief investigation I’ve been able to identify ‘The Notslammers’ central piece of dogma – which I refer to as ‘Duck Theory’.
Duck Theory; If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, pecks like a duck, tastes like a duck and in fact calls itself a duck – it’s actually nothing to do with ducks whatsoever, you gross, racist duckaphobe.
Most concerning of all however – this well subscribed faith appears to be responsible for the overwhelming majority of current day terror attacks.
To provide but a small selection from a much greater sample, these last few years alone we have seen; a soldier beheaded on the Streets of London, cartoonists slaughtered in France, scores of girls enslaved in Nigeria, formation of a genocidal ‘state’ and suicide bombings carried out almost daily – all in the name of ‘Nothing To Do With Islam’.
At least we can sleep easy in the knowledge that our world leaders – those charged with the vital task of combating this threat – have been vocal in singling out ‘Nothing To Do With Islam’ in relation to these abhorrent acts. I don’t know about you, but I’ll sleep easier knowing the problem has been clearly identified by those in charge.
No ducks were available for comment at the time of publishing.
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