The Religious Dictionary
I aim to continually update/improve this page with new entries, so feel free to check back regularly.
- God’s least favourite part of planet earth.
- A verbose way of saying “God did it”.
- Finding a gap in scientific knowledge and declaring “God did it”.
- The habit of following the word “therefore” with “God did it”.
- Use of semantics and circular reasoning to reach the conclusion that “God did it”.
- The uncanny ability to convince the less-informed that “we don’t know” actually means “God did it”.
- God did it.
- It was God.
- The faith-based ideology of believing in nothing and worshipping Satan simultaneously.
- The act of eating babies.
1. The desire to be free from god, whilst retaining dogmatic nonsense and a holier than thou attitude.
2. A group striving for a version of ‘equality’ which assumes people of god having nothing valuable to contribute regarding social justice, women’s rights, racism, homophobia and transphobia.
3. Championing of Free Speech*
*The following are exceptions indicating which topics certain types of people (also known as other human beings) have no right to speak on.
Racism: White people
Women’s Rights and Feminism: Man people
LGBT rights: Straight and non-transgender people.
The Moon: People who have never visited the moon.
Cats: People who have never been a cat.
4. Diet Secularism
5. Fat Free Humanism
6. The act of hijacking the growing interest in an expanding ‘community’ to further your own divisive socio-political agenda.
e.g., Justin Bieber is getting more popular. I’m a Belieber. Plus men and white people are silly. #BieberPlus
7. Allergy to criticism
Patient: “Doctor, someone disagreed with my viewpoint, so I labelled them an abusive misogynistic troll and had them added to a block list application. Is it serious?”
Doctor: “It sounds to me like you have a strong case of AtheismPlus”.
Patient: “Since you’re not an over-sensitive adult-toddler with a victim complex yourself, what gives you the right to make that diagnosis?”
Doctor: “Get out”.
8. A transparent misandry Veil (Also available in Black*)
*Only if you are black.
- Truth, void of any contradictions.
- The most important document and set of values in the U.S*
*Until deemed inconvenient to your constitution-violating religious agenda.
- Vile and angry abuse. See “intolerance”.
- The high priest of Atheism, and Satan’s earthly lieutenant.
- Stories authored by semi-literate desert dwellers in ancient parts of the middle-east.
- Subjective personal experience.
- Being unable to disprove something.
- The unsupported belief that a monkey gave birth to a human.
- Taking pride in a willingness to believe anything on little or no evidence. Not to be confused with “fact”.
- A socially acceptable excuse for believing in demonstrable nonsense.
- A blatant test of faith planted by the almighty creator.
- The supernatural deity taught to you as a child, in the country of your birth. Must also be the God of your parents. Alternative spelling: “Gaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwdddddddddd”.
- Any notion you are able to imagine.
- The socially acceptable substitute for a genuine and thoughtful explanation.
- Stealthy impregnator of virgins.
- One who administers verbal slaps to the Godly. E.g “The Hitch-Slap”.
- One who is still able to win debates with theists, post-death.
- God’s preferred method of expressing dislike towards homosexuality via non-mysterious and explainable meteorological events.
- That which is non-existent, i.e. any other God that is not your own.
- When somebody disagrees with your religious beliefs.
- When someone requests to be unaffected by your religious beliefs
- Magical Zombie Jew.
- White American.
- A mysterious thought process used by those with Satan in their heart.
- Airing your views calmly, rationally and in conjunction with established scientific fact.
- Seeking legal support upon having your legal rights violated.
- Anecdotal claim of an unremarkable, seemingly naturally occurring event which definitely couldn’t possibly be coincidence or chance. Definitely.
- One who cannot be caricatured or mocked, due to certain death at the hands of the Religion Of Peace.
- Failing to get your own way, all of the time.
- Having your religious privileges called into question.
- The process whereby advice is given to your chosen supernatural all-knowing deity.
- Child enthusiast.
- Truth, void of any contradictions.
- Faith-based misconceptions about God’s work.
- A fascist movement dedicated to forcing equality on society against its will.
- Militant fairness.
- The most opinionated of all the reptiles.
- Chatty garden dweller.
- Supernatural meaning projected on to common and trivial emotional experiences.
- Make-believe for adults.
- “oohhhhh mysterious”.
- Jesus Juice.